'Voyage of the Damned' (Story Code 4.X) by Russell T Davies

“I’m the Doctor. I’m a Time Lord. I’m from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I’m nine hundred and three years old, and I’m the man who’s going to save your lives and all the six billion people on the planet below.

“You got a problem with that?”

Having disabled the TARDIS’ defence systems to carry out maintenance, the Doctor is astonished when his ship is apparently struck by the luxury ocean liner Titanic. Restoring the TARDIS’ systems so that it can repair itself, the Doctor then materialises his time-space ship aboard the liner, where he finds the crew and high-class passengers busy celebrating Christmas Eve; however, these are no ordinary people: the crew and passengers are all aliens; looking out of a porthole, the Doctor realises that he is aboard a huge spaceship in orbit around the planet Earth… On the ship’s bridge, Captain Hardaker allows his crew to partake of some festive rum; all of the men leave, apart from new recruit Midshipman Frame, who insists on maintaining protocol by keeping watch with his captain. In the ballroom, the Doctor learns from one of the ship’s robotic attendants – golden angels known as the ‘Heavenly Host’ – that they are travelling on a reproduction of the Titanic owned by Max Capricorn Cruiseliners, en route from the planet Sto as part of a trip exploring primitive cultures; the name Titanic was specially chosen by the president, Max Capricorn, after the most famous vessel on Earth. Before the Doctor can learn more the Host malfunctions; crewmen take it below decks, where the ship’s engineer attributes the recent breakdown of eight angels to a software bug. The Doctor meets several of his fellow travellers: an attractive waitress named Astrid, who shares his passion for travel amongst the stars; Morvin Van Hoff and his wife, Foon, who won their cruise in a telephone competition; a spiky, red-faced midget called Bannakaffalatta; and an obnoxious businessman named Rickston Slade. Using his psychic paper, the Doctor and his “plus-one”, Astrid, join a group led by the ship’s historian, Mr Copper, who gives an extremely inaccurate lecture about Christmas on Earth before teleporting them all down to the planet’s surface for shore leave. While Astrid is excited to be standing on an alien planet, the Doctor is surprised to find that the London high-street where they are standing is deserted; questioning a nearby newspaper vendor they learn that after the previous two Christmases – during the Sycorax invasion and the attack by the Racnoss’ ‘Christmas Star’ – nearly everyone has fled the capital for the safety of the country, and only the Queen remains in residence. After a power fluctuation aboard the Titanic forces Mr Copper’s party to return to the liner early, the Doctor accesses the ship’s computer system and discovers that three meteors are rapidly approaching; he calls the bridge to warn the captain, but his cries fall on deaf ears. Meanwhile, Midshipman Frame has learnt that Captain Hardaker has dropped the Titanic’s shields and magnetised the ship’s hull, deliberately drawing the meteoroids off course – and straight towards them on a collision course. When Frame tries to prevent the impending disaster the captain pulls a gun and shoots him; the captain then tells his injured officer that he is dying, but the large sum of money he was paid to scupper the ship will ensure that his family are provided for. The Doctor tries to warn the assembled guests, but he is apprehended by the ship’s Steward and dragged out of the ballroom. As the Titanic goes to Red Alert, three huge meteoroids smash into the ship at high velocity, tearing through the hull and causing massive structural damage; the ship is wracked with explosions, and when the chaos eventually subsides, the Steward is sucked out into space through one of the holes in its hull. Suspecting sabotage, the Doctor vows to save Astrid, Copper, Morvin, Foon, Slade and Bannakaffalatta, but his plan to escape in the TARDIS is abandoned when he sees his time-space ship floating past, its automatic systems sending it to the safety of the planet below. Down in engineering, the malfunctioning Host receive new instructions – and one of them slays the chief engineer using its razor-sharp halo. Contacting the bridge, the Doctor learns from the injured Frame that the now-dead Captain was responsible for the disaster, and that the liner’s engines are now cycling down – it is only a matter of time before the Titanic loses orbit and crashes into the planet below, and when the ship’s nuclear stormdrive engines detonate all life on Earth will be wiped out. The Doctor urgently leads his party through the damaged ship and up a wrecked stairwell, heading for the bridge. They soon come across a Host lying in the rubble; seeing a way to help clear the rubble in their path, the Van Hoffs offer to reactivate the robot; meanwhile, Astrid discovers Bannakaffalatta’s secret: the little alien is a cyborg, something he keeps quiet as his society frowns on automatons. Using the Titanic’s scanners, Frame determines that fifty to sixty people have survived the disaster; however, this number soon begins dropping as the Host start wiping out all those aboard. The Van Hoffs reactivate the Host, which immediately tries to kill those around it; as the group run for their lives the Doctor gets a warning to Frame, allowing the officer to activate the deadlock on the bridge door before a group of angels can enter. Stalling the Host with questions, the Doctor buys his comrades time to get to safety, while learning that the robots’ command infrastructure is located on Deck 31. After the android angel is crushed by falling masonry the small group of survivors take a quick rest in a debris-strewn corridor, and Copper notes that it is now turned Christmas day on the planet below; the historian also reveals that his credentials are fake: he lied to get his job, and is in fact a just travelling salesman who wants to visit Earth. As more Host begin to break through, the Doctor and the others are forced to cross a precarious makeshift bridge formed by a fallen girder, lying across the chasm of the engine core. Although a panicking Morvin falls to his death after the walkway gives way, Slade, Astrid, Copper and Bannakaffalatta begin to make their way across the bridge; seeing that Foon is too traumatised to move, the Doctor promises to come back for her. The Host find another way in, and as the robotic angels fly down the shaft they remove their deadly halos and hurl them at their victims; the Doctor, Astrid and Copper use pipes to repel the lethal discs, but the synthetic Bannakaffalatta sacrifices himself by emitting an electromagnetic pulse that disrupts the robots’ systems. One of the angels survives the blast and begins to advance on the Doctor; guessing the robot’s override code, the Doctor learns that the Host have been ordered to kill all witnesses to the crash; the murderous robot continues to advance, but is stopped by Foon, who pulls the robot with her as she leaps off the bridge down into the engines below. Mr Copper removes the EMP transmitter form Bannakaffalatta’s corpse, reasoning that the diminutive alien’s device will prove an effective weapon against the Host. Reaching the safety of the other side, the Doctor instructs Astrid, Copper and Slade to recharge the EMP device and head for the bridge, while he makes for Deck 31. After encouraging the Doctor to let her join him on his travels, Astrid kisses the Time Lord goodbye, then leads her group on their way, deactivating those angelic Host they encounter on the way. Reaching the kitchen, the Doctor allows himself to be captured by the Host, convincing them that as a stowaway he should be taken to their leader on Deck 31. After despatching more of the robotic Host, Astrid, Copper and Slade secure the ballroom. Finding the teleport bracelets, Astrid calls Midshipman Frame and convinces him to transport her to the Doctor to help; she arrives on Deck 31 in time to watch as the Doctor comes face to face with the mastermind behind the Titanic’s destruction: Max Capricorn, now just a severed head connected to a mobile life-support system after one-hundred-and-seventy-six years running his business. Max indulges his captive by explaining his scheme: with his cruise line badly failing, Capricorn was voted out by his own board of directors; by using the Titanic to destroy all life on Earth, he plans to instigate a scandal so huge that not only will his company’s shares plummet, but the whole board will be jailed for mass murder; meanwhile, Max himself will survive the crash inside an omni-state impact chamber, and will then retire to the delights of the renowned pleasure planet, Penhaxico II. As Max orders his robotic minions to kill the Doctor, Astrid jumps into a nearby forklift truck and rams the insane businessman’s motorised life-support – but the two machines are evenly matched, and a standoff ensues. Seeing no other choice, Astrid bids the helpless Doctor a heartfelt farewell and then lifts Max with the forklift; she then drives both vehicles over the edge of the engine shaft, plunging herself and Max into the core below. With Max dead, the Host turn to the next authority figure: the Doctor. Two of the angels carry the determined Time Lord up the engine shaft and crash through the floor of the bridge. As the liner enters the Earth’s atmosphere, the Doctor grabs the ship’s wheel and then determines the Titanic’s point of impact – and is hardly surprised to learn that it is Buckingham Palace! After phoning the Queen to tell her to vacate the royal premises, the Doctor uses the heat of re-entry to fire up the secondary storm drive, enabling him to pull up the liner in the nick of time, narrowly missing the palace; as the Titanic zooms back up into space, the elderly monarch calls out a thank you to her favourite hero. With the threat to Earth avoided, the Doctor leaves Midshipman Frame in charge while he rejoins a relieved Copper and Slade in the ballroom. Suddenly recalling that Astrid was wearing a teleport bracelet, the Doctor tries to saving his friend by retrieving her molecular pattern from the machine’s emergency systems – however, there is not enough power left to complete the transfer, and only a ghost-like version of the girl appears. Kissing his friend goodbye, the Doctor sends Astrid’s few remaining atoms out into space as stardust, fulfilling her wish to visit the stars forever. Some time later, after Midshipman Frame has stabilised the ship’s engines, sent out an S.O.S. and informed the authorities of Max’s insane scheme, and Slade has begun to enjoy the financial rewards of selling his Capricorn shares early, the Doctor offers Copper the opportunity to teleport down to Earth to begin a new life. After telling the self-styled historian that with the local exchange rate, the petty cash on his company credit card has made him a millionaire, the Doctor enters his recovered TARDIS and sets off to travel alone once more…

David Tennant (The Doctor), Kylie Minogue (Astrid Peth), Geoffrey Palmer (Captain Hardaker), Russell Tovey (Midshipman Alonzo Frame), George Costigan (Max Capricorn), Gray O'Brien (Rickston Slade), Andrew Havill (Chief Steward), Bruce Lawrence (Engineer), Debbie Chazen (Foon Van Hoff), Clive Rowe (Morvin Van Hoff), Clive Swift (Mr Copper), Jimmy Vee (Bannakaffalatta), Bernard Cribbins (Wilfred Mott), Nicholas Witchell (Himself), Paul Kasey (The Host), Stefan Davis (Kitchen Hand), Jason Mohammad (Newsreader), Colin McFarlane and Ewan Bailey (Alien Voices), Jessica Martin (Voice of the Queen), Yamit Mamo (Singer)

Directed by James Strong
Produced by Phil Collinson
Executive Producers Russell T. Davies and Julie Gardner
A BBC Wales production

TX:
25th December 2007 @ 6.50 pm

Notes:
*Featuring the Tenth Doctor

*This Christmas special is seventy-one minutes long, instead of the usual sixty

*A new version of the theme tune debuted with this story

*Working titles: 'Titanic II' and 'Starship Titanic'

*Music tracks heard in this story include 'Jingle Bells', and 'The Stowaway' witten by Murray Gold and performed Yamit Mamo

*This special had an on-screen dedication to the memory of Verity Lambert, the original producer of 'Doctor Who', who died in November 2007

*'Voyage of the Damned' was the very first BBC show to be streamed from its official website using the new iPlayer technology

*The special was repeated as a signed version at 01.15 am on 27th December, and again at 2.15 pm on New Year's Day

*What's in a name? 'Astrid' is an anagram of 'TARDIS', and 'Peth' is 'part' in Welsh...